Under the Surface
November 1, 2018
How many of you remember the old television show Sea Hunt with Lloyd Bridges? It was about a former Navy Seal who used his diving skills to solve mysteries and rescue people in peril. I’d sit with my dad and brothers and watch, amazed at the world under the surface of the water—a whole world you couldn’t see and, as a child, didn’t know existed. I remember the beauty of the fish flashing by in their synchronized schools. We didn’t see the bright colors, because that was in the day of black and white TV.There was always a problem to solve, full of tension and drama.
For me, the last two years have been like Sea Hunt. Like the Lloyd Bridges character, I’ve lived in two worlds, one above the surface and one below the surface. I realize we all do that to various degrees. We all have our inner secrets. But grief is a story all to itself.
In the beginning, my worlds merged. My husband’s sudden and unexpected death set a tone of numbness and vagueness that governed both my worlds. That tone was there for everyone to see and I floundered like a drowning person sinking under the surface. My mind clicked off, and I lost who I was. My business mind clicked off, and I became dependent. My writing mind clicked off, and my imagination locked away. I felt suspended in a void, caught between my two worlds. I could not move forward.
But as it always does, time marched on. With the momentum of a snail, my two worlds began to separate. My above-the-surface world began to grow once again, allowing me to return to who I am, and the below-the-surface world became satisfied to drown me less often I learned to operate between the two.
Now my below-the-surface world is becoming a more comfortable place to visit. The memories are there, tucked away to call upon when needed. Don’s guidance is still there. I just have to be willing to drop below the surface and grab what I need and then rise up out of the deep, like Lloyd Bridges when he’d surface after a dive, and climb onto the safety of his boat.
I write this for two reasons. One, to thank you for your patience, and two, to explain why it has taken me so long to get Mystery on the Pecos out to all of you. It’s coming this month. In order to see the bright New Mexico sun that shines on Will’s and Two Feather’s Pecos River Ranch, I had to swim back to the surface.
A very special thank you to my brother Phillip Vincent for sending his under the surface pictures. He is an accomplished diver and the author of the thriller, Varuna, currently being considered by a publisher.